So you’d like to use sex toys with a partner, but aren't sure exactly how to bring it up. We've got you covered!

Whether you’re in the initial sparks of infatuation with a new partner, looking to heat things back up with an existing flame, or even just having fun with a friend, navigating the conversation around sex toys can be nerve-wracking. Although the topic may feel delicate, open communication is the key you’ll need to unlock your new toy box. Here’s how to prepare:

Step 1: Know what you want

Before initiating the conversation, it’s important that you understand your own desires and motivations. Consider what specific aspects of your sexual relationship you'd like to enhance or explore. Having self-awareness going into discussion with your partner will help you articulate your thoughts with confidence.

Step 2: Consider benefits to shared experience

When you incorporate sex toys into partnered sex, it’s about enhancing your shared experience. Before broaching the topic, think about what your partner likes, what they may have expressed interest in previously, and where sex toys may fit in as a natural enhancement (not replacement!) to the experiences you’re already having.

Step 3: Choose a time

Timing is crucial! Pick a time when you and your partner are relaxed, free from distractions, and able to engage in an open and honest conversation. A casual and private setting can create a comfortable environment for discussing more intimate matters. Although all uncomfy conversations can feel easier after a few drinks, resist the urge to pre-game!

Step 4: Express yourself

Open the conversation by sharing that you’re curious to sexually explore yourself and your relationship further with them, and ask if they’re interested to hear more. At this point, it’s important to allow your partner an out–maybe they’ve had a bad day, or need more time to mentally prepare for the conversation. If they’re not up for it, then do something else instead! But if they are, go ahead and share what you’ve learned about yourself, and what you hope to gain within your relationship by introducing sex toys into the mix.

Step 5: Remain Open

Remember that your partner may have a range of reactions to this topic: curiosity, hesitation, insecurity, etc. Stay open to their feelings and approach their concerns with kindness, empathy, and reassurance if needed. Show them that this is a safe environment for them to express and discuss their feelings with you.

Step 6: Learn together

If your partner is interested in learning more, then this is a fun topic to learn about together! Go online and read about different types of sex toys, visit a sex shop in your area, and talk to the clerks–they know a lot! Learning together, especially about vulnerable topics like these, can help foster deeper bonds in your relationships.

Above all, remember to have fun. Sex is best experienced with someone you're comfortable laughing and learning with. Good luck!